ABOUT
Jasmine.Following
i swear this is going to be it.
I wish it would stop raining. I wish I could get enough sleep. I wish to never hear the alarm in the morning because I could sleep as long as I want. I wish I could take myself to a bar alone and get myself drunk, take a cab home and say to myself, yeah I did it and have that awesome self-fulfillment that hey, I didn’t die from my alcohol-induced allergy. I wish I tried. I wish I could find me attractive. I wish to never have any insecurity because he loves me and I’m the only one he sees, and that he find my flaws sexy. I wish my stupid mouth wouldn’t get me in trouble. I wish I could say what I want without regretting it as soon as the words come out. I wish I could smile at strangers without having paranoidal ideations. I wish I could be a better person. I wish I could only see the good side of people. I wish I said I do too when he asked. I wished I saw it coming. I wish he would get my number and ask me out on a date. I wish to get distracted. I wish to eat Mcflurry - oreo right now while I’m typing this. I wish I could quit my job and start a full-time course on photography. I wish to get my own house. I wish I could drive. I wish I had a car. I wish I would only buy the things I need. I wish I had a walk-in closet. I wish I had a hundred pair of shoes. I wish I could sing like Adele. I wish to be good at something. I wish I could travel the world and write about it. I wish I had an unlimited supply of chicken nuggets and fries. I wish those wouldn’t make me fat. I wish I could go home. I wish I could fast forward to December.
It’s one of those Monday mornings again. Dark clouds hovered over the horizon. This type of weather kills. Fatal to those who are made for sunny days, fatal to me. The sun has always been a friend. It helps me think, makes me rational, somehow and most of the time. I’d like to stay in bed under my covers but Monday is not a good time to procrastinate, so I decided to put on my layers but no amount of down would keep my sanity. The cold penetrates and the harsh wind sank its fangs on my neck. It’s scarf day today. I shouldn’t have forgotten it. I tried to keep me small and hurried my stride. The feeling was eating me whole. I made truce with motivation. That’s why I was able to walk to the train station. But I still hate fall. And I hate winter more. I tried to keep it steady. Early morning is my worst.
Metamorphosis.
I’d wear that smile again. Like I never battled with myself. I’d be on my best behavior. No bitterness left. Sanity checked.
